Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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