You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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