Im at strip club and am horny
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize