My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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