I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
