So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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