sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
