A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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