the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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