OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
