No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize