go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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