woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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