He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
