Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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