i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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