Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
