i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
