There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
