You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
someone owes me an orgasm
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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