I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We need to feng shui this bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
