There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
