i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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