You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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