i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
