Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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