no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Boobs are out for the taking
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
