just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This can only be settled by a dance off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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