Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
