i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
