He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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