ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
