we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drake has all the answers
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
