Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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