just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize