My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
