Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
