don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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