He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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