Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
