Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
