I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
