did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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