We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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