ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
