I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
