That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
