I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
