I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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