the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
whose parrot is this?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize