We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
