Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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