i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
