Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
