Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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