Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
