he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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