That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
