Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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