My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
