hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
