She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
