anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
