Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found a bag of teeth...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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