oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
