I cannot find my penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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