we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
