Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
