dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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