Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Small penises have feelings too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
