Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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