Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
