Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
