dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
