the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
