3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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