Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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