I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
