I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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