We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize