hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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