Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize